our adventure baby

It's a very strange feeling to actually start something that you've been planning for so long. Rach and I made this decision nine months ago while we were laying on the beach talking about how something different needed to start in our lives. Talking about how we felt stuck. Stuck, unsure and feeling that life could be so much bigger than what we were experiencing. So the idea of our big adventure was thus born. We wanted to experience something big with free spirits and open arms. That conversation while tanning in front of the ocean on Coney Island was nine months ago. And time appropriate, our adventure was born today- nine months later. We've planned so hard. Not a day went buy when our plans were not discussed. We never, even for one day, dropped our idea or our passion for wanting to do it. We handed in our keys to our apartment today. The final step of many. When we first moved in we were so positive that we would spend years in the apartment together. We were settling down. Now today, we handed in our keys and got into a car along with everything we own, and we drove out of New York City. It's amazing how things can change. After the sadness of leaving our apartment and amazing landlord rushed through us, we were left singing, smiling and full of the excitement that 9 months earlier we felt our lives were missing. Now we get to spend a few days with my family. In a few days we'll go to Buffalo and spend of few days with Rachel's. And then the Intro, preliminary, base camp or whatever you want to call it section of the adventure is over. I'm extremely grateful that we get to spend some time with our families. Almost all of my anxiety about this adventure is centered around leaving my family. My dad, my mom and James. Having them close is such a constant comfort. Right now I see my separation from them being my biggest obstacle. I guess I should just consider myself lucky to have such an amazing family that gives me separation anxiety. Not everyone is so lucky. I've never planned for anything for nine months before. Two or three months maybe, but never nine. With that much planning its very hard to understand the emotional reaction to when the event actually happens, For a long time, I felt almost nothing, Goodbye job, goodbye friends, goodbye apartment, goodbye New York City. I've lived here since I was 18. I've grown into an adult here and I've learned pretty much everything I need to know about myself for this stage in my life. I want to make myself better. I want to be smarter, funnier, more aware, I want to have more compassion and I want to be able to have more fun. It's one thing for someone to know who they are. It's one thing for someone to know who they'd like to be. It's a totally different thing though when someone knows that who hey are can be so much better, I want this trip to make me better, I want to read more and strengthen my ability to carry on an intellectual conversation. I want to listen more and remember to ask you next time i see you how the interview went. I want to be a person who who's up with cookies after my friend has had a bad day. In conclusion, this is not as simple as an adventure. This is an exploration. I want us to explore our country and I want us to explore each other and our selves. I think I know who I am so no need to soul search. I know who I want to be though. And one major goal for me if to become that person, We started something so big and exciting today and to be completely honest,,,,,, I couldn't possibly be happier about this brown eyed girl sitting on the couch next to me. Without her, I would never have the courage to do something like this. But thanks to her, I get to run around the country looking for life, love, hope, fun, art and without her I don't know if I would even care about anything enough to look for it. Everything I experience is enjoyed 20x more because she is experiencing it with me. Today was the first day where I get to travel the country and experience it for everything it is. I'll get to be an explorer. A hippie. A free bird. A crazy kid. A well traveled individual. But the best, best, most bestest part.... is that I'm doing this ALL. This whole thing. From the moment adventure was conceived on the beach until the day we decide where we're settling down.... We're doing it together. Me and my full time buddy. Honestly....i can't help but feel a little bad for anyone who's not me tonight. lj